I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
