So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
