I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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