Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
