I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
