I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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