walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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