I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
