I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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