Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
