some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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