Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What a dumb baby whore.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
