So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
3pm strippers are depressing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
