So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
