they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
