I think my fart just growled at me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
