in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
