My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize