I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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