piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize