But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
