New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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