Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
