He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
