I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
