Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Panties = found
Randomize
