he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
