The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Semen is not good for contacts.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
