Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
