Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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