I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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