im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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