yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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