You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize