I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
even my farts smell like vagina
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
