david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
