I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
PANTIES FOUND
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize