Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
