Duck Duck Cougar?
one might say we're banned from that church
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
