those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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