I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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