you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
