please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i need to put some appletini on your dick
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
