Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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