My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
