she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
