Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize