remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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