I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
