It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
