I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize