Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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