$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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