There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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