is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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