I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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