So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
