I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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