her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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