If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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