I wish I could teleport
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
