I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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