Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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