I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
