oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
