i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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