Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
