And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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