Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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