I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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