Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
