Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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